{"id":1468,"date":"2023-11-02T20:38:21","date_gmt":"2023-11-02T18:38:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nadiacenter.com\/?p=1468"},"modified":"2025-05-19T19:28:01","modified_gmt":"2025-05-19T17:28:01","slug":"integration-into-a-new-society","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nadiacenter.com\/en\/integration-into-a-new-society\/","title":{"rendered":"Integration in a new society"},"content":{"rendered":"
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While working in Norway with Ukrainians at a refugee health center, I had some interesting observations about the relationship between Ukrainians and the state, which acts as a Parent. There are several common areas of interaction.<\/p>

  1. When Ukrainians are ashamed to receive social assistance from the state. There is no experience of the Nurturing Parent here. <\/span><\/li>
  2. When Ukrainians don't want to work because there is social assistance, and participate in all free events, because why bother? Here it is about the immature childish position of a small child who says, \"Give me! Give me!\"<\/li>
  3. When Ukrainians want to work, but they still need to prove that they can. Moreover, sometimes this is not enough. Here the state acts as a Parent, Criticizing and Controlling.<\/li>
  4. When a person has hobbies and passions that give strength and help cope with painful experiences. This is the power of the Free Child. Interest and passion are the best ways to adapt to a new environment.<\/li><\/ol>

    That's why in Norway they ask in detail what hobbies the child has, they help to find clubs and enroll the child. And they allocate a budget. You can spend this budget on one hobby, not 10. Adults are also helped, and the key question when choosing a work practice is - what do you want to do? And they start from this. For adults, there is also a budget for hobbies, sports or swimming pools. Depending on what the person chooses.<\/p>

    Social support that comes in time, social organizations such as the Red Cross and the Salvation Army, food packages - this is what allows you to integrate, when you can accept help with gratitude and at the same time do everything to separate yourself from the Parent and be independent.<\/p>

    Secure Attachment is a person's foundation, and his ability to adapt and integrate into a new society depends on it. It is laid at an early age. Let's consider the approach of relational transactional analysis of the formation of the Self and the formation of attachment, and even consider the problems that may arise during integration into a new society.<\/p>

    So, let's consider the Child\u2019s ego state and the formation of the Self in a relational approach (Development of the Self by Hargaden H., Sills Ch., 2002).<\/span><\/p>

    P0 is the child\u2019s environment. In childhood, this is, of course, the mother. C0 is the Child\u2019s needs in the Other, the ability to influence him or her. It turns out that when the child gives signals to the mother through crying and facial expressions about what he wants \u2013 to eat, sleep, or needs to be changed. With the help of his signals, he or she controls the mother and she gives the child what he or she needs.<\/p>

    The state of A0 arises at the intersection of P0 and C0. This state is called bliss. It arises when all needs are satisfied. This state arises when there is a Good Enough mother who gives the child a sense of security. It is the state of bliss that gives a person a sense of Okayness and helps the child develop and manifest.<\/p>

    It is in a state of bliss that a person is able to learn a new foreign language, think, explore and study a new culture, endure uncertainty and establish contacts, and be open in communicating with other people.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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    Let's see what happens when the mother is not attuned. When the mother is not responsive to the child's needs, when the child is alone for a long time and no one comes to comfort him or her. Then an experience arises that is impossible to process. There is a splitting of the Self and Shame is formed.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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    How does this manifest itself in those refugees who have an early traumatic experience of a mother's inattention, and an insecure attachment has been formed?<\/p>

    So, as we said before, shame appears:<\/p>

    • I am ashamed because I am happy that I am safe, but my parents, relatives are under occupation, in a war zone, in danger. Because there is a war going on in my country.<\/li>
    • I'm ashamed because I'm filled with hatred, I want to fight and I swear.<\/li>
    • I'm ashamed that I've never asked anyone for anything, and now I have to ask.<\/li>
    • I am ashamed that the state provides for me, but before I provided for myself.<\/li>
    • I'm ashamed that I can't remember new words, that everything is mixed up in my head, and that I can't clearly express my thoughts in a foreign language.<\/li><\/ul>

      This splitting and shame emerges at an early age.<\/p>

      This is how the fragmentation of the Self occurs:<\/p>

      Extremely traumatic experiences, such as torture, captivity, loss of loved ones, prolonged threat of death, being under fire, witnessing the killing of others, lead to an impenetrable division of the Self into parts and imply a more fragmented Self. This experience is difficult to process and integrate through impenetrable boundaries. Such experiences are so painful that a person fences them off and throws them away, puts up walls between himself and other people.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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      The peculiarity of these processes is that they become unconscious. This experience cannot be described in words and this process is not verbalized, and therefore it is located in the deep unconscious layers of the personality.<\/p>

      This experience will signal to the person with nightmares, flashbacks, inadequate behavior and reactions, reduced cognitive abilities. All this will call on the person to look at their experience, tell about it to the Other, and process this trauma. Otherwise, the traumatic experience will be repeated in order for the person to process it.<\/p>

      So that a person can grieve the loss. Otherwise, the Self cannot develop. There is no state of bliss and security. Deep disturbances of the Personality occur, and it becomes fragmented. There are memories of how good it was in the past, before the trauma, the color is white, and how bad it became after the trauma, the color is black. Other colors do not exist. Life becomes gray and boring. The Self that could not develop is the Dead Self.<\/p>

      Emigration depression is associated with a traumatic experience, when there is longing for a certain country, or a person grieves for loved ones they have lost, for a past peaceful life, and the person does not notice all the beauty that surrounds them.<\/p>

      Can we integrate unrefined experiences?<\/p>

      Can we become congruent again when there is a splitting of the Self?<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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      To reprocess experience, it is necessary that the boundaries of the fenced-off experience become permeable (in the figure they are marked with a dotted line). It is necessary to integrate the split parts of the Personality, then the true Self appears. It is integral.<\/p>

      The split parts of the Self integrate when there is contact with the mother, when the mother responds to the child's feelings.<\/p>

      The dead Self waits for good surroundings, warmth, and acceptance from the Other.<\/p>

      The Other gives a sense of life. My Self begins to blossom, becomes alive when I meet the Other. In this meeting I feel Alive. My Self comes to life.<\/p>

      A good enough mother can also be a state that cares, satisfies basic needs, is interested in your interests and preferences, and accepts you as you are.<\/p>

      For me personally was really healing working in the Norwegian team. During my internship, I experienced the flooding of my parents' house and the death of my brother. Thanks to the fact that I had good, warm relationships, and could be alone at work and at home, as well as communicate and work, it was much easier for me to endure this time. The experience of such good relationships and acceptance was quite healing in itself.<\/p>

      Allowing ourselves to accept this experience, allowing ourselves to approach the Other, to show our vulnerability, to express our feelings, or to close ourselves off and adopt a defensive, prickly position is a matter not only of time, but also of the Personal desire to make our life better, of higher quality, and of a brighter one. It is in relationships that we can burn off the loss and revive ourselves, experience bliss, and become whole.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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