{"id":1932,"date":"2024-10-31T23:51:53","date_gmt":"2024-10-31T21:51:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nadiacenter.com\/?p=1932"},"modified":"2025-01-04T05:42:38","modified_gmt":"2025-01-04T03:42:38","slug":"%d0%bb%d0%be%d0%b2%d1%83%d1%88%d0%ba%d0%b8-%d1%83%d0%bc%d0%b0-%d0%b8%d0%bb%d0%b8-%d0%ba%d0%b0%d0%ba-%d1%83%d0%bb%d1%83%d1%87%d1%88%d0%b8%d1%82%d1%8c-%d0%ba%d0%b0%d1%87%d0%b5%d1%81%d1%82%d0%b2%d0%be","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nadiacenter.com\/en\/%d0%bb%d0%be%d0%b2%d1%83%d1%88%d0%ba%d0%b8-%d1%83%d0%bc%d0%b0-%d0%b8%d0%bb%d0%b8-%d0%ba%d0%b0%d0%ba-%d1%83%d0%bb%d1%83%d1%87%d1%88%d0%b8%d1%82%d1%8c-%d0%ba%d0%b0%d1%87%d0%b5%d1%81%d1%82%d0%b2%d0%be\/","title":{"rendered":"Mind Traps or How to Improve the Quality of Adult Learning"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Nowadays there are many opportunities, a lot of information, access to sources of scientific works, online libraries, online courses, and even higher education can be obtained online. And in my opinion, every person knows that for quality learning you need discipline, system, good memory, attention and curiosity, but for some reason only some can stay focused and concentrated. In this article we will consider why does this happen and what to do to improve the quality of learning, and is it enough just to read articles carefully together with professional and classical literature. What traps our mind, society, environment have, almost every person feels regret because they did not do something or did it wrong. You will also learn what distracts our attention from the quality of life in general and why willpower does not work.<\/p>

Before turning our attention to the transactional analysis, let's look at why we regret and how feelings of helplessness affect us, as well as the neurobiology of the brain and the impact of digital technology on the quality of reading, and learn the art of concentration. In this article I will also present my considerations on which ego states are involved if we are unable to succeed in our studies or in our careers.<\/p>

Let's start with the fact that an adult will not do anything until he has made a decision. Inaction is also a decision, regardless of whether it is conscious or not. Robert L. Leahy, a famous cognitive-behavioral therapist and winner of the Aaron T. Beck Award, in his book \u201cIf Only\u2026 Finding Freedom from Regret,\u201d writes that every person feels compassion, but whether it will contribute to improving life or, on the contrary, will freeze and prevent us from using other opportunities and appreciating life, depends only on what a person will do with this regret. Pity is an emotion of possibilities, of which we have a lot throughout our lives.<\/p>

It is important for the Adult to understand the reason why this or that is happening and how to make a decision. But before we move on to the most important question \u201cWhy?\u201d, we need to go through the tyranny of obligations. When a person has a developed the Critical Parent ego state, we have a lot of \u201cYou should\u201d in our head, and when we make a mistake, the Tyrant Parent begins to criticize us mercilessly inside our head. We do not confuse this inner voice with anything. But it already belongs to us. Robert Leahy says: \u201cWe can either criticize ourselves or correct ourselves\u201d (p. 36). Choosing the Adult Ego-state. When the voice says, \u201cYou should\u201d, we often feel guilty. Regret is remorse and self-blame, as the author tells us (p. 317). Robert Leahy also notes: \u201cRegret does not always mean guilt, but guilt always implies regret.\u201d The best friend of guilt is shame. Shame is more accompanied by a feeling of condemnation from others. What will people think if I do something or not? Social media also adds fuel to the fire. Do I really want something, or is it inspired by advertising or good pictures on social media?<\/p>

When we condemn ourselves for what we did or did not do, when we are afraid that people will condemn us, we accuse ourselves of being bad people. We know that when there is a feeling that, \u201cI\u2019m bad as I am\u201d, this is already a third-degree impasse. And getting out of it is much more difficult than getting in. But there is a way out. Although it is very difficult to change your mind that I am good and did the most correct thing for myself at the time of my development and emotional, psychological maturity. What do you think, dear reader, how much will the quality of your life change when you think like this? That is, to get out of the impasse, we need to learn to treat ourselves with respect and love, and it does not matter to what degree the impasse is. Only the difficulty of thinking well of yourself depends on this.<\/p>

To regret alternatives and missed opportunities, to regret our mistakes, and to feel guilt are signs of our humanity. But whether we get stuck in this, to the point of reaching the impasse, or whether we can use facts and analysis to improve our lives is a choice of the Adult ego state.<\/p>

Robert Leahy suggests how to use the regrets that we will still feel while we are alive to make our actions productive.<\/p>

1. Don't miss good mistakes. Learn from them. Success that comes from failure. Yes, predicting failures and analyzing them is a strategy for investing in a good future. Failures are the price of learning, and mistakes indicate more about a full life, rather than an illusory or fantasy one. Reality is richer than the idea of \u200b\u200bwhat it should be.<\/p>

2. Mistakes can cause plans. Robert Leahy points out that we can create an entire plan from one mistake. This helps us solve the problem, rather than dwelling on the thought, \"I'm sorry I made a mistake.\"<\/p>

3. The ability to identify one\u2019s limitations and take them into account is is only the Adult characteristic. \u201cWisdom consists in doing the best one can within one\u2019s limitations,\u201d writes Robert Leahy (p. 372).<\/p>

4. Childish attitude, when you believe that mistakes could have been avoided. (Magical thinking of the Child, when a person does not take into account the limitations of knowledge at the time when he did something). Childish attitude, when a person blames others for his mistakes, thereby he does not take responsibility for his life and cannot fix the situation. Childish attitude, when a person minimizes the consequences. For example, when he gets behind the wheel while drunk and believes that nothing will happen. The same applies not only to excessive alcohol consumption, but also to drugs, excessive spending, credit abuse, gambling, unprotected sex, lots of sexual partners. The Child wants quick pleasures so much that he does not look at the long-term consequences. But this leads to them regardless of whether we see them or not.<\/p>

5. The childish position is demanding that everything be done according to your wishes. This way, a person does not take into account reality and cannot be flexible and open to new possibilities.<\/p>

The Adult is responsible for assessing the situation, analyzing it and making decisions for the benefit of his future. But for this it is the needs of our inner Child. The Nurturing and Structuring inner Parent will appear, who will listen, endure and encourage. But the final decision is for the Adult. It is important to allow the Adult to manage our lives, because this ego state takes into account both the Child\u2019s desires and the Parent\u2019s concerns, as well as the real situation and the person\u2019s limitations.<\/p>

But we are influenced not only by our internal state, but also by the environment. Modernity is a world of technology and the Internet, advertising and sales. Maryanne Wolf in her book \u201cReader, Come Home: The Reading Brain in a Digital World\u201d describes the consequences of living in a digital environment. How it affects the development of our brain, attention and the quality of work and study. I would add the quality of contact between close people.<\/p>

The question that Maryanne Wolf explores concerns how immersion in digital life, from social media to virtual games, will affect the ability to read large texts, reflect on them, think critically, make sense of what has been read, together with imagination and empathy.<\/p>

The reality of our lives is that we are increasingly using digital technologies. A smartphone is a part of our body, an extension of our hand. Some studies of young people say that young people cannot imagine their life without the Internet and social networks. And if in general, now people read much more (thanks to the Internet), but the quality of reading has decreased significantly.<\/p>

The quality of our attention also changes when the text changes instantly, tasks are quickly switched and continuous monitoring is required. A person forgets what he is really interested in and what he wants as a result. Distracted attention replaces concentrated reading of printed text. Reading is the brain, it is a chain that we can develop or inhibit development.<\/p>

Many have already forgotten what it means to \u201cHurry slowly\u201d and \u201cDon\u2019t rush.\u201d Maryanne Wolf writes that having cognitive patience helps restore time. Only then we can be present in the here and now. The author notes that we forget to focus and contemplate, this is an internal ability, but we can regulate it only when we have the intention and the time. This is also a function of the Adult Ego state.<\/p>

The author is sure that a good book and a serious printed text will never replace radio, television, or digital technologies. But they will contribute to our distraction from the most important thing, ourselves and close contact with the Other. Studies prove that when there is a lot of information, when the information load is very high, it is increasingly difficult to have basic knowledge. When we receive too much information, we do not spend the necessary time to repeat, make analogies and retain it, which affects what we know and what conclusions we will draw. Operational and long-term memory also suffers.<\/p>

Therefore, we cannot replace classical education at school, college, and university, which systematically develops basic knowledge, with self-study on the Internet and searching for interesting information on Google.<\/p>

Let's move on to the main skill that affects the quality of our learning, career development and fulfilling lives - the art of concentration. I will briefly summarize the recommendations of Johann Hari \u201cStolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention \u2013 and How to Think Deeply Again\u201d, that will help us to get back what was stolen.<\/p>

1. Slow down and focus your attention on one thing. The hourglass principle: one grain of sand per unit of time. It is the increase in the volume of information, says the author, that creates the impression that the world has accelerated, but our attention resources are quickly depleted. Slowness nourishes attention, and speed depletes it. Therefore, if you want to restore your attention resources, slow down and focus on something specific that you need to do.<\/p>

2. Meet basic needs: proper nutrition, physical activity, 8 hours of sleep, rest.<\/p>

3. Read more novels and classic literature. This not only restores attention, but also helps develop empathy and humanity.<\/p>

4. Walking about 40 minutes without music, phone or audiobooks. Just fresh air and slow wandering of thoughts.<\/p>

5. Control your time on social media. It\u2019s not enough to set the \u201cDo Not Disturb\u201d mode or turn off Internet access for a while. It\u2019s not enough to do information detoxes. Remember: the more you scroll through your Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok feed, the more money the owners of social media get. Therefore, they study what people pay attention to and give more incentives to keep people scrolling through their feed. Anxiety is a friend of social media.<\/p>

6. The key to cooperation with ourselves is in understanding that we are addicted and that those who developed social networks wanted to manipulate our time and attention and all these don\u2019t help to move to our goals. Control does not help, but an agreement with ourselves will work.<\/p>

7. Work for 5 minutes without a break, then 10, then 15. Take breaks after 20 minutes of concentrated work. But be very gentle with yourself. In our time, when there is access to fast food, convenience foods, cakes and delicious pastries that fill supermarkets and cafes, and even with a rich delicious aroma, it is not so easy to adhere to proper and nutritious nutrition. It is difficult to limit the access to the Internet when you receive attention and recognition on social networks, or when it helps you to get distracted from bad thoughts, or when you are dragged in reading bad news on which you are unable to influence. Reality creates a challenge where society is involved. Distribute responsibility and choose yourself.<\/p>

8. Reduce stress levels as much as possible.<\/p>

9. Remember: a person will only take as much as he can carry. You can learn without end. Determine for yourself where you have enough. Both physically and psychologically.<\/p>

10. The brain can develop, like our muscles do, and it all depends on organizing the process and enjoying it, a little responsibility and effort, and enjoying small victories and big achievements.<\/p>

With these simple steps, your attention will return, and the quality of your life, not just your studies or reading, will become better.<\/p>

So, let's summarize in the language of transactional analysis. If we want our lives to be of high quality, we need a sufficiently developed the Adult ego state. But it all starts with a decision, before we grow into the Adult, we need to rebel, we need rebellion. When something does not satisfy us, it is rebellion that will allow us to get out of this situation, and then it will grow into a calm position of the Free Child, which will support adulthood, \u201cI don\u2019t it like this. I want it differently\u201d. Regret, self-blame and self-criticism are the prerogative of the Critical Parent ego state. It is important for us to learn to transform it into a caring Parent. We remember about sleep, nutrition and physical activity. But success is the key to the Structured Parent ego state. Here I deliberately mention the function of the father and the relationship with success in social life. Structure, system and control are three guarantors of success. We remember about control and agreement with ourselves regarding the Internet and social networks, 20 minutes of concentration on one thing, limiting information, understanding what exactly I need and want. We connect the Free Child with its curiosity, spontaneity and thirst for being here and now. But we remember that the process is managed by the Adult, who knows his limitations, tests reality and analyzes his mistakes, which he turns into a plan for solving problems. We carefully give support and recognition to our inner Child, and we move on, living all the emotions and our life, which we value and respect. We respect ourselves, our choices and look to the future with gratitude in our hearts.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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