According to statistics, during the war in Ukraine, there were more marriages and fewer divorces, namely, 103,903 marriages were concluded, and 7,632 divorces.
Why people get married more often during war is a private question. First, let's look at where this idea of "getting married" came from.
Marriage, or matrimonial union, is one of the oldest social institutions that regulates interpersonal and sexual relations, a union between spouses recognized by society for the purpose of creating a family, which gives rise to mutual rights and obligations of the married couple.
If we look at the animal world, then most of the representatives of the animal kingdom leaves the care of their offspring to the female, except for lions, wolves, penguins, and this also happens with swans, storks, and owls. They create pairs for a long time, and most of them for life.
In the past, when people lived in caves, men knew very well that women were polygamous. A woman's ability to have multiple orgasms allowed her to change partners. A man was not sure that he was the father of the child. And the whole tribe took care of women with children, otherwise the human race would have ceased to exist long ago.
The idea of marriage originated with men. It was the most effective way to compete for a woman of childbearing age. Later, when capital began to form and land ownership developed, men began to think about transferring inheritance officially. To do this, you need to be sure that you are the father of the child. That is why the cult of chastity began to develop, the prohibition of premarital relations for women. All the old traditions, when after the first wedding night all the neighbors came to look at the sheets, as well as the restrictions and oppression of female sexuality, come from the insecurity of men.
But we see from examples in the animal world that there are pairs that remain together throughout life.
A woman becomes monogamous only when she has met her man, who is able to protect her and surround her with care, with whom she has a special emotionally close relationship.
The main reasons why people get married are:
1. Official declaration of your relationship.
2. Obtaining rights and obligations in relation to each other.
3. Legal transfer of inheritance to children and husband/wife.
4. Shared budget: It is easier to distribute financial and household burdens.
5. Upon divorce, spouses have rights to joint property, the payment of alimony is regulated by the state, and the spouses and children have rights to inheritance, and sometimes the court makes decisions regarding the organization of spending time with the children.
So, the first reason why people get married is so that spouses have rights and obligations that, in the event of a conflict, the court can help resolve.
In Ukraine and in European countries, civil marriage and partnership are already considered at the legislative level in such issues as, for example, inheritance for joint children. In Europe, in Scandinavian countries, such as Denmark, citizenship can already be considered if you are in a partnership, but are not a citizen of Denmark, but, for example, a citizen of Ukraine. But in Norway, this will not be the case. Here, only official marriage is recognized, and only if it exists will the issue of citizenship be considered. In all European countries, it is becoming increasingly popular not to enter into a marriage, but to enter into a contract between partners, where everything is clearly described, who and what will get in the event that the couple breaks up or one of the partners dies. Unfortunately, this is life, and without official agreements, you lose not only your loved one, but also have no rights to joint property.
Moreover, in Arab countries, if you are not officially married, then the man has no rights at all, that is, he is not able to solve his wife's problems in state institutions. They will not even talk to him. In Arab countries, an illegitimate child is still a disaster, state bodies do not know what name to give the child, I'm not talking about property rights and public condemnation of illegitimate children.
Why do people get married more often during war? For me, the reason is obvious, and it has to do with women's rights, especially if the couple already has a child together. But it's not that simple. There is also an existential aspect to the decision to get married. When a man goes to war, his life can end at any moment. When he knows that his beloved wife is waiting for him at home, it gives him a lot of strength and resources, because he is connected to this woman by both love and legal relations.
In order for a marriage to be the most successful, 5 conditions must be met.
1. Compatibility at the level of values and meanings. Differences in beliefs can lead to constant conflicts and misunderstandings. The most common conflicts based on beliefs concern money, sex, raising children, and issues with relatives.
For example, who manages money in the family, what to do with the money, how to spend it, what attitude the family should have towards money.
Arguments about sex can have a variety of causes, but they also often revolve around different values regarding sexual relationships, such as how much and when to have sex, and where. Disagreements about these can lead to both open conflict and passive aggression.
The source of constant quarrels in a couple can be questions about how to raise children and how to punish them.
And each spouse also has parents, brothers and sisters, and other relatives. That is, a person marries not only a woman or a man, but also her and his relatives. He gets a ticket to life, like in an all-inclusive hotel. There are many jokes among men about his wife's parents, and many tears are shed by women about their mothers-in-law. There can be many situations for quarrels.
2. Care. The couple's relationship will be at a high quality level when both partners care about each other. But it happens that one of the partners cares, and the other does not. Then conflicts, discontent, reproaches, and claims arise in the family.
Showing care is essential for developing attachment and emotional closeness. Caring for each other is also called spontaneous kindness. If one person feels cared for, it increases good motivation in the relationship.
However, no one can say how much care is enough. What do partners mean by caring for each other?
3. Intimacy. When there is intimacy in a relationship, partners have fun and feel comfortable with each other. They want to spend time together because it is enjoyable for the couple. Emotional intimacy creates a feeling of attachment. You don't just like a person, you want to spend time with with him or her.
When passion disappears in a couple, they become bored with each other, and therefore, they have lost contact at the level of their inner Children.
4. Communication. Healthy communication between partners is related to their emotional maturity. How well do you discuss problems that arise with each other?
You need to develop an adult perception of information from your partner, then a constructive solution to the problem is possible. Otherwise, you will only develop childish resentment towards your partner.
It is also important to learn to let go of feelings. When there is a conflict and misunderstanding with a partner, we inevitably see the situation only from our side. It seems to us that we are being treated unfairly, we are not shown due respect, when we are not given something that we could be given. If you learn to let go of your anger and discuss problems in a calm state, this will be a very useful skill.
5. Attachment. When people meet, they are two different people with their own individual, separate selves. As a couple begins to communicate more often, they develop emotional closeness, their relationship changes. Their field of communication becomes increasingly common, and they even begin to resemble each other.
Attachment appears between you when you have emotional contact with a person.
Attachment can be our best friend, or it can be our worst enemy. Since attachment is stable, it does not disappear very quickly
When one of the partners dies, the living person still feels affection for the person who is no longer physically present. Then it is extremely difficult for that person. Such a person will feel a lot of pain.
This attachment passes after a fairly long time, only after going through the entire process of grieving and mourning. It is important to say goodbye and let go of the deceased in order to move on with life.
Conclusions
Marriage will continue in one form or another. For millennia, we have been taught that marriage is good. At the same time, contractual arrangements between partners will evolve.
Signing a contract is a guarantee of your rights, at the same time it gives an understanding of the freedom of choosing a partner, but it increases responsibility in the relationship. But whatever the legal framework, the happiest couples will be those who have:
- Compatibility in values.
- Caring for each other, treating each other with care.
- Good emotional contact, intimacy. When partners want to spend free time together.
- If partners learn to negotiate with each other and not discuss their problems when they are angry.
- Attachment. It is attachment that allows a couple to reach the very end of the relationship, when one of the partners dies.
- Love, joy, and admiration for each other. These are the feelings that accompany couples throughout their journey, despite problems and difficult situations.
- Emotional maturity and the ability to hear and listen to each other. This allows us to discuss and solve problems constructively.
- A formal contract also fuels our Adult part. Only a mature person can openly express their freedom of will and accept responsibility for the relationship.