Existence means a real life, full, whole, full of deep feelings, self-realization, self-reliance, making your own decisions and understanding that you are 100% responsible for your decisions. Existential psychotherapy helps you find the way to your true self, to your true feelings, your true desires and to realize your life the way you want it.
- Viktor Frankl is the founder of the method.
He came to the conclusion that it is vital for a person to understand the meaning of his life. This person survived a concentration camp. And when Viktor survived life in inhuman conditions, it was also thanks to his attitude to the situation. Viktor Frankl's credo:
- Act according to the situation. What the situation requires of me here and now.
- What is my big goal in the future? Anticipation of meetings with loved ones, belief that your dream will definitely come true. And at the same time, live in the present, live to the fullest. As if this were your last day. Rejoice at the dawn, smile, support, thank those who are around.
Viktor Frankl claims that a person has free will. And, for example, when the conditions of life tell you that you cannot change anything, then in the little things you can choose. Literally: on which side to sleep, with which foot to get out of bed, to brush your teeth or not, to come on time or not. When you can control the little things, then you are already the master of your life.
He identified three groups of values:
- The values of creativity are the process of creation. This is what a person does, his work - from growing vegetables to cooking. This is any work that you create with your own hands or when you teach, treat, create a program, make repairs - this is all creativity when you do it with your soul and get pleasure from the result.
- The values of experience are admiring nature, works of art. It's when you listen to music, read poetry, prose, and they inspire you. It's what you take from the world in your encounters and experiences.
- Values of attitude. A person cannot always change circumstances, but he can agree with himself how to relate to them. If the circumstances are exactly like this, and you need to work at a hard job, and at the same time such work does not bring you satisfaction, then you should agree with yourself on clear conditions: I need this job for such goals, and it will take so much time. When I achieve my goal, I can leave this job. In the case of a terminal illness, when there is very little time left, by your attitude to this event, by your attitude to loved ones, allowing them to live and enjoy life even after the death of a loved one – this is the meaning that can be in this event, for this person.
- Alfred Langle, a student and colleague of Viktor Frankl, went further.
If Viktor Frankl asked what the situation requires of me, then Alfred asked himself: “What do I actually want?”
The purpose of life is to live authentically, that is, to free yourself from distortions, one-sidedness, and past traumas that impose limitations on your life.
Finding the path to your deepest Self, to your Person, is the ability to dialogue, the ability to understand yourself, your feelings, your body. The key question: do I feel that this is true for me?? Does this suit me?
For this purpose, Alfred Lenglet proposed the following method – the path to the deep self.
- Do I have the right to be? Can I be in this world?
- Do I like being in this world?
- Do I have the right to be who I am? Do others like me the way I am?
- What do I have to do? Why am I doing this? Where am I needed? Where can I be productive?
The goal of psychotherapy is for the client to come to terms with himself and answer the 4 questions above in the affirmative.
- So, James Bugental. He brought to the work of the psychotherapist the keys to life-changing therapy.
The psychotherapist works on himself. The presence of the therapist and the Psychotherapeutic Alliance are the success of therapy. Let's figure out what presence is. This is deep empathy. This is attentive listening. This is when the therapist resonates, responds to what the client tells him. To do this, he himself must understand well what he feels in his body, what emotions he feels. This is once the therapist and the client together in soul. The client feels support, attentive attitude to himself, to his feelings, to his desires. This is a new experience that he may not have gained when he was a child. And this new experience helps him build relationships with loved ones in a new way. The therapist teaches the client emotional literacy. Teaches him to understand how emotions are reflected in bodily reactions. And such a caring attitude towards himself helps to radically change his life. Having learned to hear himself and his feelings, to believe in himself and trust himself. By distinguishing resistance to good in himself, a person learns to live holistically and authentically.
A psychologically mature personality according to Bugental has the following qualities:
- Authenticity.
– awareness of this moment;
– choosing how to live this moment;
– 100% responsibility for this choice.
- Openness to one's own experience, acceptance of one's feelings.
– sincerity in accepting your feelings, allowing yourself to feel any emotions;
– experience all emotions;
– show tolerance for one's own and others' emotional reactions.
- Developing self-awareness
The better a person knows themselves, the more they understand others. Self-knowledge increases the possibility of choice.
- The power of personality and identity.
A mature person knows who they are and what they want from life, what is important to them and what is not. They reexamine their values at every stage of their life.
- Tolerance for uncertainty.
Tolerance for doubts, for anxiety, and at the same time, confidence in yourself.
We don't know everything and that's okay. Tolerance for your experience, and understanding that it has the right to be what it is. The conviction that at this stage of my life, at this stage of my development, I made the right decision for me.
- Accepting personal responsibility.
Understanding one's personal responsibility helps one make choices freely and consciously. Helps one perceive criticism constructively. Improves the effectiveness of relationships and the organization of one's life.
- The depth of relationships with others.
It should be taken into account that people are afraid of being vulnerable. A mature person knows how to face rejection, knows how to express positive feelings, and allows themselves to be vulnerable.
- Setting realistic communication goals, avoiding perfectionism.
It is desirable for any person to understand the limitations of their capabilities and to abandon the desire to become perfect. I am perfect in my non-ideality. Those who do not accept this will blame themselves for their mistakes, and not learn from them. Understanding our own limitations, we abandon illusions and avoid unnecessary tension and feelings of guilt in front of others. Then our relationships become deeper, closer and more realistic.
- Feeling empathy for others.
Empathy is a compassionate attitude towards others. Empathy occurs through emotional response to external manifestations of reactions, gestures, facial expressions, intonation of voice, words perceived. A person realizes that his feelings are a reflection of the feelings of the Other.
- Integrity.
This is the correspondence of the physical, mental and spiritual. This is when I act in accordance with my values, what is important to me. When my abilities correspond to my desires. This is the ability to maintain my life position in critical situations. Integrity is when there is peace and tranquility inside and a person does not torment himself with internal contradictions. Integrity is the confidence that I have the right to be, I like this world in which I live. I can be who I am. I act in accordance with my values, my words and inner convictions.